I Trick Even the Lames to Stand Up for Me

Chapter 1 - Based on my calculations, you've been cuckolded

Chapter 1 - Based on my calculations, you’ve been cuckolded

Just after New Year, AnXian Town that was located in the Northwest of H City held a temper fair as per usual. It’s a bit livelier this time around as there was a little immortal in town who can calculate your fortune and was especially accurate.

It wasn’t until 9 o’clock that a teenage boy appeared. He took out a banner with the words “Fortune Telling” written on it and put it on the table then slowly sipping on a cup of milk tea he was holding. This young man was handsome, with beautiful peach blossom eyes and long eyelashes paired with fair skin, his eyes appeared deeper than normal people and it was both black and bright.

As soon as he arrived, people who had been loitering nearby immediately surrounded him and formed a long queue.

“Little Immortal, try see my fortune, anything’s fine.” A robust-looking big brother with big eyes and thick eyebrows came up to curry favor with him. Before he could sit however, Gu Ye waved his hand and said : “Go away, your family is in harmony and you’re in good health. What fortune do you want me to tell?”

As soon as he heard this, the big brother left happily as if he had just won a lottery.
“Tch!” A young man wearing expensive brand clothing stood out from the crowd, his handsome face was full of disdain. He looked at the big brother as if seeing a fool, and as if wondering if this village was full of idiots to even believe something like this.

An old man in the front heard his disdainful tongue-clicking turned around and persuaded : “Believe it, lad. This young man is the most famous Little Immortal amongst all the villages in the vicinity.”

At this moment, Gu Ye just happened to look up and glanced at the young man’s face. He then looked at the girl beside the young man and his lips curled up in a smile. You really are something to have achieved this level of scum-ness.

Only then did the young man see how Gu Ye looked like in full view. His breathing immediately stopped upon the sight of Gu Ye’s smile. He was originally a well-off player who would eat both men and women and he only came to this god-forsaken place to get girls. He didn’t expect that there would be a boy here in this shabby town who was even more beautiful than girls. Seeing as this young scammer didn’t seem that old, Luo Jun Kun immediately had an idea. If he couldn’t get to sleep with this girl, this boy would do.

Gu Ye knows what the young man thought with just a glance and was really amused. With this body he was reborn in, this son of a bitch might not be able to afford playing with no matter how much money he has. This body belonged to a full-fledged young master of a rich family from Beijing, the Gu Family, that is well-known throughout the country. He’s only here because his father sent him here to reflect on himself.

Several people in the front of the queue were driven away before it was finally the young man’s turn. The girl who had her arms wrapped around his was very happy, “Little Immortal, when should we get married to have a blissful life together for a hundred years?”

Gu Ye picked up the milk tea from the table and slowly took a sip. He took out a WeChat QR code from his pocket and handed it over roughly.

The man glanced at the QR code then his gaze fell on Gu Ye’s face again. That arrogance, tsktsk.. While smiling as he transferred the money, he leaned closer and said : “Can I add this little mister on WeChat? I’ll look for you again when we’re inspecting the Feng Shui of our new home.”

Gu Ye looked at the amount of money he transferred. It was 50,000.

As soon as Gu Ye looked up, the man raised an eyebrow at him meaningfully.

The girl next to him was done. Tugging on her boyfriend’s sleeves anxiously, she asked : “Jun Kun, why did you give him so much?”

Luo Jun Kun dotingly replied : “It doesn’t matter. As long as it’s for my baby, I’ll spend as much as I want.”

Hearing this, the girl looked at her boyfriend with eyes full of sentimentality and blushed.
Gu Ye was amused by the display : “Lady, you’re already as green as seaweed, please ask this bastard to leave ASAP. Don’t let him harm people’s good daughters anymore.”

With just that, it was like a basin of cold water being dumped on the two, breaking their warm atmosphere.

“What did you say?!” Luo Jun Kun was instantly incensed. How could he say that after taking his money?!
The girl was no better. Pressing down her anger, she asked with a frown : “Master, are you sure? You didn’t look at our palms nor did you check our characters. How can you say my boyfriend is no good?”

Gu Ye remained unhurried as he explains : “You can see from his face that he’s a typical miserly person and is cursed to be without a wife and child. The tip of his eyebrows are too short and they’re also messy. He must be unable to get along well with the peers in his family and is also unfilial. You must have heard of this, right? Moreover, he’s also a standard three long and two short life, and the tip of his nose is blue which is a sign of soul separation. In the future, if he doesn’t accumulate good virtues and deeds, and properly helps the souls of the children he aborted find peace, he will definitely not be able to live beyond 36 years old.”

Finished, Gu Ye waved the two away and motioned for the next people in line.

The man’s face turned ugly. The weather is cold yet his forehead was drenched with sweat because the fortune teller was right!

Yet the girl’s eyes right now were full of anger, focusing on Gu Ye : “You swindler! Cheater! Return our money!”

Gu Ye shook his head. Everyone in this world who went to fortune tellers wants to hear good news. But as the saying goes, out of ten people who were born in the year of the sheep, nine would not live good lives. How can there be so many people who would live such smooth lives without ups and downs in the world? “Within three steps from here, you will get the news that someone is pregnant with your boyfriend’s last child. If this child is also aborted, then your boyfriend will really die without descendants.”

The girl pulled her boyfriend forward to argue but unexpectedly, her boyfriend’s phone rang after just two steps. Even if she didn’t believe Gu Ye’s words, she still felt uncomfortable after hearing Gu Ye say so much. So when she heard the ringtone, she naturally paid a lot of attention to it and looked at the screen intently. At this moment, the girl’s face suddenly changed.

The message reads : Kun-ge, I’m pregnant with your child. Are you happy?

The man stared at Gu Ye as if he’s seeing a ghost. Sure enough, this fortune teller is so surprisingly accurate.

“Luo Jun Kun, you son of a bitch!” The girl reacted and slapped the man, maddened to tears.

Luo Jun Kun was in a daze, he didn’t even respond when he was slapped. This fortune teller got even this thing right. So when he said that he wouldn’t be able to live past 36, was that true? He’s 28 years old this year!

With the girl’s slap, a number of young guys quickly rushed in. These people were the girl’s brothers and cousins. In the countryside, almost everyone was related to everyone else. When they see their sister being cheated by a bastard, they will beat up that bastard. During this chaos, Gu Ye stood up and began to pack up. Seeing that he’s about to leave, someone stopped him and said : “Don’t go, Little Immortal. It’s still early now so please do two more fortune telling.”

Gu Ye smiled then shook his head : “No, someone is already here to pick me up. That’s my last divination here. I’m going home.”

At this moment, a luxurious business car stopped on the roadside. A beautiful woman wearing a small red jacket came out and was accompanied by a boy around 16 years old. As soon as Mrs. Gu saw what Gu Ye was doing, her mind immediately buzzed with anger. This Lao San, not only did he not repent, he even dared to engage in feudal superstition and even deceive people!

Their family’s Lao San was the disgrace of their rich family. He was both cowardly and dumb. His father spent a lot of money to get him into a key high school and he also didn’t spare any penny to hire a tutor for him. He’s in his third year now and still managed to score last in the previous exam. He was also blackmailed by petty thugs for half a year and kept his silence about it for the whole time. Not only that, he didn’t study during the holiday but instead spent his time learning Feng Shui and even dared to set up a Bagua Array in his bedroom, as if he can pass the exam this way.

His father’s blood pressure went up from anger and he was sent to their hometown in the countryside to have remedial classes and also to reflect on himself. His father didn’t even want to see him in the New Year.

“Gu Ye! You even dare to scam villagers, let’s see how your father takes care of you!” Mrs. Gu said this while keeping her voice down. Unhappily rolling up the cloth on Gu Ye’s stall and stuffing it into his pocket as she was afraid he would be busted just a second later and that someone would come settle accounts with him.

Gu Ye said with an innocent air : “If he kills me, then you will lose a son. You can’t get another one at this age, ah.”

Gu Ye didn’t say anything wrong about his stepmother. Mrs. Gu was from humble origins yet she still managed to be Mrs. Gu, showing that she’s a person with means. However, she’s not a big villain or something like that. It’s just poverty that makes her greedy so she made a lot of small schemes. Especially after having her own child.

But the original Gu Ye was raised by her from his childhood, after all, so she couldn’t bear to kill or maim him. Thus, Mrs. Gu’s usual scheme was to use this third child’s stupidity and disobedience to highlight her own son’s cleverness and obedience. She often used pillow talk to influence Father Gu, making Gu Ye’s butt suffer from his old man’s beating.

Mrs. Gu was stunned by what Gu Ye said, and only then did she realise that Gu Ye had changed quite a lot. Since when did this stuttering kid get so sharp with his words? His gaze was also more lively, he’s not dumb anymore? Only after that did she react and her face turned red. Who the heck is too old to give birth?!

Gu Ye then fishes out some small changes from his left pocket he had left after buying milk tea – he still had 50 cents — and stuffed it all into Mrs. Gu’s pocket. His tone was very filial : “Your son made some money. I’ll buy a chicken to make soup to nourish your body.”

Holding the money, Mrs. Gu stomped her feet angrily.

Gu Ye looked at the boy standing next to Mrs. Gu. He then smiled and beckoned to the young man with his finger : “Lao Si, come here!”

From his birth, the original body lacks one mortal soul so he was timid and had a dull personality. No one was willing to play with him when he was a child but this younger brother of him didn’t disdain him. He stuck to him and will always come whenever he called. Perhaps being influenced by the memories of the original body, when Gu Ye saw the boy, he felt close and familiar.

Hearing his third brother calling for him, Gu Yang immediately went over happily like a big Alaskan Malamute : “Brother, you really can do fortune telling? Why are you so different now?”

Patting the fourth child’s head, Gu Ye said quite meaningfully : “Yes, your brother became the disciple of a particularly powerful teacher. So you don’t have to go to school in the future. Follow me set up a stall under the overpass and we will strike it big and get rich as we approach the peak of our lives with each passing minute!”

When his mother was giving birth to the original Gu Ye, she suffered postpartum hemorrhage and couldn’t be rescued. It was really inconvenient for Mr. Gu to take care of three children while managing his company at the same time so he married the current Mrs. Gu and Gu Yang was born three years later.

Gu Yang’s identity was quite tricky in this family so Mrs. Gu began to plan for his son. However, this child was quite silly. Already at this age yet he still didn’t know how to plan for his future. He only played and didn’t do well academically either. He even ran after his big brothers everyday, so his relationship with his brothers was good.

Gu Ye took a closer look at Gu Yang’s face. This child was a typical ‘fool who has the luck of fools’. He can’t learn but he will be able to live a life full of wealth and will prosper from the dividends from his brothers. He will live a good life until he’s old. Therefore, Gu Ye’s words for him were : Kiddo, no need to study, it’s not suitable for you.

Unexpectedly, Gu Yang actually believed him and immediately nodded, particularly interested : “Okay, Okay! When shall we go? Let’s just go tomorrow! Shall I wear a Taoist robe and pretend to be blind?”
Hearing this, Mrs. Gu was even ready to beat Gu Ye to death : “He’s not good at studying in the first place, only knows how to play and you still tell him to not work hard and profit through other people’s toil!”

Gu Ye shrugged, palms up : “I’m telling the truth. You as well. Don’t wear red too much in the future, the more you wear it the poorer you get.”

Like the five elements of metal, wood, water, fire and earth, the human body also has the same principles. Mrs. Gu’s main element was metal, her forehead was full, ears just right, her features were delicate, slender hands, straight waist and fair skin. People with this type of face usually will have a rich life once they’re adults. Unfortunately, she likes red too much. Her clothes, nails and lips were all red. Red is fire and fire restricts metal. This is why she lives a rich life but has no money in hand and can only rely on her husband.

“You…” Mrs. Gu thought that he was deliberately annoying her. She then thought, Wait when we go back, see how your father cleans you up!

Completely unaware of the disharmony between his mother and big brother, Gu Yang looked at them back and forth then asked with a puzzled expression : “Mother, Brother, is it not cold standing here? Let’s go home.”

Mrs. Gu gritted her teeth in anger, you foolish child!

Gu Ye raised his hand and motioned to them : “I still have something to take. Let’s go back to the old house first.”

After settling down in the capital, the Gu family still haven’t forgotten their hometown and built a two-storey building there. The family will return here during the QingMing Festival every year to worship their ancestors. The original Gu Ye was sent here to reflect on himself but he accidentally fell and lost his life as a result. And Gu Ye, who shared the same name as the original, fortunately got his body.

As soon as Gu Ye woke up, he found that although the original Gu Ye has a short life and will die young, he should still have more than half a year left. There was a remnant of evil spirit left on his body and this was the reason for original Gu Ye’s untimely death. Gu Ye looked at his fingertips. He had scraped off the same evil spirit on both Gu Yang and Mrs. Gu, and they were even more serious than the one on the original Gu Ye. It seems that there’s something happening with Gu Family in Beijing.

Back in the old house, Gu Ye led Gu Yang to the living room and said seriously : “See? These are all the foundation your brother has gathered for you from all over the place. Let’s take these spoils down and bring them back home.”

Shockingly, the wall was filled with embroidered banners! They even came in varying sizes and patterns!
“Wow! Brother, you’re so awesome! As good as the second brother and eldest brother!” Gu Yang clenched his first in surprise, at this moment, Gu Ye’s image has risen to 18 meters tall in his heart.
Mrs. Gu, who was a few steps behind, came in to take a look. She then gasped in anger as she thought, These two imps! If these things were taken home, their father will break Gu Ye’s legs!

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T/N : Huge thanks to Zryuu for helping me out with the TL Checking and some editing! Also thank you to Cat, Callis and Baum for helping me with posting as I am very not tech savvy. I hope you will enjoy this novel as I did when reading them.